something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
