I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
