tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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