There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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