Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
