I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
