i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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