Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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