She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
