Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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