Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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