i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
