Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Randomize
