I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
