I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
