i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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