this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
