Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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