Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
