My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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