I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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