dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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