I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
