Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
