i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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