last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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