According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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