it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
