Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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