he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
