i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
do herpes really smell.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
