dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
