Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
