It's just like the Real World with babies
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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