My Higher Power is John Stamos
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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