You really coming over, don't trick.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
