I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
