so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
