There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
