with your own penis?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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