We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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