peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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