well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
