He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
