totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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