I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Four minutes until I can fart!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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