I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize