I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This baby is an asshole
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
