dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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