oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
