So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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