Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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