Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
