Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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