Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
