Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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