so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
