You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
