i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize