i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
