The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You have to summon your inner elephant
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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