had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
